July 28, 2012

Bye honeymoon... hello marriage.

It's finished. The end. Time to move on.

We used to finish each other's sentence. Synced with each other's wavelength. When I thought of something, he'd already moved the gear into action. Like the time when I wanted to watch a movie and he had already bought the ticket. Or the time when he felt like eating something, and I had already ordered it.

Some marriages continued to go on cloud nine, couples grow old being all lovey-dovey just like it was on their wedding day. But some, like ours, evolve. We settle into routine. Every day life takes over, kids come along and we become weary parents whose lives consist of waking up, going to work, coming home, dinner, TV and bedtime (in our case, going to work, going to class, coming home to sleeping kid and spouse).

Maybe that was the reason we lost touch of the romance that once made us feel alive, special, exhilarated and loved. The exhausting every day routine.

Of course we still do the couple things. We go to work together, fetch our kid together, shop, cook and eat dinner together. But our thoughts are preoccupied in our own separate world. It hit me hard when this morning, as we both stood bleary-eyed in front of the stove where two pans are heating up, and I pointed the veggie to one pan and the sardine to the other. Instead, he cooked the veggie in the other pan and the sardine in the veggie's pan. I was upset not because he did the wrong thing but because it signified that we no longer understand each other the way it was before.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that my marriage is in trouble, or that we are contemplating separation. I'm trying to come to terms that the honeymoon period is officially over. Where he no longer buys gifts on whims, he makes it up with foot rubs for his pregnant wife (upon request of course). He lets me have rest while minding a very active toddler and also helps around with the housework.

Therefore it's really selfish of me to ask him to also be a husband who spends his time staring in my eyes when he's already exhausted from doing the housework and taking care of the toddler, or buys me flowers on my birthday after he has spent so much on the house, the car, groceries, baby stuff and also his family back home.

Maybe I need to be the one who learn to be realistic. Coming to term that marriage needs each other's sacrifice and understanding.

So hello marriage.